About Last Night
by DuelingBagPipes
Summary: FINISHED She didn't remember so it would just be best that she didn't know. He knew that Estella did not need the memory of an event like that hanging over her shoulders... At least that's what Merry thought...
1. Lucky

Okay this is my first Estella fic. I usually use an O.C. but my name for her sucked and I was tired. So she is now Estella. YAY!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or anything related. Be it by merchandise or any other form I am making no profit. This is only some strange infatuation I have. Sorry...  
  
About Last Night  
  
Chapter One: Lucky  
  
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"Estella?" the voice called. She stirred in her sleep and felt herself become aware of her surroundings.  
  
"Estella?" the voice asked again, with urgency. A small sound came from her throat. The being sighed and playfully shoved her shoulder.  
  
"Estella, wake up you lazy beast!" it teased. Her eyes fluttered open instantly. Through her mass of auburn curls she could see a face. A face, which belonged to her very best friend in all of Middle Earth.  
  
"Merry?" she asked sitting up and rubbing her chocolate eyes.  
  
"Aye?" He smiled that cheeky smile he had always had.  
  
"You imbecile!" she shrieked jumping up and hugging the lad furiously.  
  
"They said you'd died, that you were crazy, and that you'd never return. They were wrong I can't believe it!" she sputtered holding him at arms length.  
  
"It's nice to see you too," he teased.  
  
"Oh Merry!" she smiled and kissed his forehead. She looked around to see a spare bedroom in Merry's hole in Buckland. The four-poster had been her bed on late nights when she'd stayed long past nightfall and was too afraid to journey back home. The vanity had been her mirror on the mornings of those nights before she had even begun to sleep as the light of the sun crept over the horizon.  
  
"Why am I not at home, Merry?" she asked her joy turning to suspicion.  
  
"Do you not remember?" he asked his face changing quite suddenly. The expression on his face was a mingle of fear and hope and was unreadable beyond that.  
  
"Well, no..." she trailed off looking into his eyes for the answer. He blinked and grasped her hand in his.  
  
"We... we went for a walk and you fell asleep while we were talking under the stars. Of course since we strolled closer to my hole I thought it would be easier for you to stay here." His eyes bored into hers and asked for her to trust him.  
  
"How late was it when you returned?"  
  
"Well into the early hours of the morning, you were fast asleep when I came upon your house. I wanted to see you first and tell you all about what I've done!"  
  
"You wanted..." she paused emotion coming over her, "to tell me first?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"I don't believe it!"  
  
"Well, do, because it's the absolute truth!" She laughed clear and shrill.  
  
"Yes, and I know you would never lie to me Meriadoc!" His face changed again, but she didn't notice in her glee.  
  
"Well, Master Brandybuck, since I have found your story hard to handle last night I feel that I must ask you to tell it again today when we go on a 'welcome back,' picnic!" she exclaimed getting up out of the bed. Estella stood for a moment next to the bed then promptly fell over. Merry rushed to her side worry lining his face.  
  
"Oh my," she breathed. Her hand flew to her forehead in shock as her chest heaved, "I feel as if I've been running for hours!"  
  
"I believe our talk last night caused you to fall ill," he said quickly, "Don't worry I'll help you back into bed right away. And I insist that you stay with me till you are better."  
  
"Merry, I can't, you've only just returned!" she protested.  
  
"All the more reason. This way I can better tell you my story and you can tell me what adventures you have been up to!"  
  
"I have seen no adventures, Master Merry."  
  
"I bet you have, and you wouldn't even realize it!" a fire burned in his eyes that stirred her soul.  
  
"Well, I just hope your little trip didn't change you, I liked you fine just the way you were."  
  
"Only time will tell Estella. Now let's get you back into bed and I will go and fix you a nice hearty breakfast. We can both eat in here if you like?"  
  
"Oh, that sounds just lovely, Merry!" she cooed as he helped her to stand. Merry helped her into the bed and after much wrestling with the sheets Estella was very comfortable.  
  
"Do you remember what I said the day you left, Merry?" she asked, as he was just about to leave. He stood at the door and thought for moment. The sad memory rushed into his mind.  
  
"Yes, I do Estella," he said softly.  
  
"I didn't mean it," she explained.  
  
"Neither did I," the hobbit assured her.  
  
"Good."  
  
"Good." He walked out of the room and quickly pushed the old memory aside.  
  
Merry placed more wood on the fire in the stove. As he waited for that to kindle he walked to the cupboard and pulled out bread, bacon, and some fresh eggs. He set them on the counter and reached over the stove where he kept his skillets and pulled two down. After he checked the fire once again he cracked a few eggs in the first skillet and placed some bacon in the second. When the breakfast was roaring away he sat at his table and just stared.  
  
The fire reflected in his eyes. He remembered last night, he remembered it so well that he was reliving now. The sound of her voice, her screams, her contempt toward him, her... The thoughts overwhelmed him, and a tear fell down his cheek.  
  
She didn't remember so it would just be best that she didn't know. He knew that Estella did not need the memory of an event like that hanging over her shoulders. Besides, if her mind had already blocked out the events, why did he need to go and stir them all up again. Merry didn't really see the point in it.  
  
What if she does remember? He couldn't think of that. If the event were even half as traumatic as it really was then her body would shut it out easily. How many people actually go through that and want to remember? If it had happened to him he knew that he would have blocked it out consciously. The fact that her mind had done it subconsciously was just all the better.  
  
Merry stood up and checked on the eggs and bacon. Grabbing a spatula from next to the cupboard he flipped the bacon and scrambled the eggs. As the bacon finished sizzling, he emptied the contents of the other skillet onto two plates and then set to slicing the bread.  
  
I don't see what it'll hurt, I mean she is a grown woman; there should be nothing wrong with me keeping this one tiny secret from her. His knife sliced two pieces of bread, and he placed them on the plates with the eggs.  
  
"What's the harm?" he said aloud to himself as he drained the fat from the bacon.  
  
"Harm in what?" asked a voice from the open window. Merry jumped flinging a strip of bacon in the air.  
  
"Aren't we a bit out of our skin?" asked Pippin his arms rested on the windowsill.  
  
"Pip, you should know better than to scare me like that!" Merry chided going back to his preparation.  
  
"Sorry Merry," he apologized, "Just thought I'd stop by and join you for breakfast. It looks like you've got enough for two!"  
  
"Yes, but not for three."  
  
"Three?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing.  
  
"Yes, Estella's fallen ill and she's in the back bedroom," he placed the remaining bacon on their plates and nodded for Pippin to come in.  
  
"What is she doing here?" the young hobbit asked walking into the back door.  
  
"It's a long story, I'll tell you another time. Come and join us anyways, you can eat off my plate." Merry walked down the hallway and into the bedroom where Estella sat looking out the window from her bed.  
  
"Peregrin!" she shouted almost leaping up, "Two friendly faces in one morning! Aren't I a lucky lass?"  
  
"One would think," Pippin answered bowing, "I'd decided to join our friend Merry for breakfast but instead I arrived to see that you beat me to it!"  
  
"Sorry, Pippin, but you're welcome to any food on my plate!" she exclaimed beaming happily.  
  
"Two plates to eat from, I believe I am the lucky one!" he laughed. Estella answered laughing, and Merry also joined their happy chorus.  
  
"I made scrambled eggs, Estella," Merry explained laying a plate on the bed in front of her, "If I remember correctly that is how you like your eggs?"  
  
"Yes, it is indeed!" She beamed and dug into her breakfast eating almost as fast as her male friends.  
  
-----  
  
Well, there you go. That's all I wrote. There's not much more for me to say! Review please, and thank you for your time! 


	2. Memory

Here we are again! Hey... I feel the need to add another O.C. those who are true to the books may shoot me on sight, however... I will still continue with my adorable new O.C. ( Happy Hunting!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Merry, Pippin, or Estella, her looks that I've created and her personality are mine, though! I also don't own the cutest lil member of our story. He belongs to God now... for he has left this world and gone onto the next! Love you, Presh!  
  
Chapter Two: Memory  
  
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As they finished their meal Estella felt the strength return to her bones. She could feel her muscles quiver with anticipation of use. The young hobbit sat back in the bed for a moment and closed her eyes.  
  
"What's wrong Estella?" asked Pippin.  
  
"Nothing... I just feel... quivery!" she explained, "All my muscles are shaking ever so slightly at the thought of being used. It's rather unpleasant." She looked down at her remaining food and lost what ever was left of her appetite.  
  
Merry watched as she closed her eyes in discomfort. 'Was it all from the night before?' he wondered.  
  
Estella quickly opened her eyes.  
  
"Persimmon!" she shouted and tried to get out of the bed. Merry placed a hand on her arm calmly.  
  
"Calm down, Estella, one of us will go and check on him later," he soothed.  
  
"He doesn't like being alone, I must get to him now!" She tried once again to jump up and leave the room.  
  
"He'll be just fine!" Pippin exclaimed, "I don't see why you worry so much about him. He's just a cat!"  
  
"Just a cat that I have loved my entire life!" Estella retorted glaring at the Took.  
  
"Both of you just calm down," Merry shushed, "As soon as we finish here, Pippin and I will go over and check on Persimmon and also grab some of your things, okay Estella?"  
  
"Okay," they chorused looking at the ground. Merry and Pippin finished eating and they cleared away the plates. Estella sat on the bed trying to clear the crumbs away.  
  
The two mobile hobbits walked out of the room and down to the kitchen to clean the plates and other dishes.  
  
"Let's just place the dishes here for now, we need to get Estella's things before she has another fit," Pippin said piling his plate and others into the sink. Merry gave him a look.  
  
"Fine, Let me go back and find out what all she needs. I'll be back in a second," Merry answered walking back to the bedroom.  
  
"Estella?" he asked. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her feet hanging over the side.  
  
"Yes, Merry?" she looked up startled as if caught doing something she ought not do.  
  
"First, you need to get back into bed, then you must tell me what all I am supposed to get you from your house."  
  
She looked down sadly, "Okay. I'll need a few dresses, you know where those are; my hair brush, the nice one that I use when I go somewhere; a frock in case I need something to get dirty in; of course I'll need my 'pillow' you know what I mean by that." She smiled hinting at the pillow that they had both made together when they were younger.  
  
"Is that all?" he asked skeptically.  
  
"Well, there is one more thing you could bring me..." she trailed off looking at him innocently.  
  
"No, Estella," he ordered.  
  
"Oh come on! He won't cause any trouble!" she pleaded.  
  
"No, the answer is No!"  
  
"You love him almost as much as I do!"  
  
"I hate that cat!"  
  
"But he's so cute!"  
  
"No, Estella!"  
  
She looked at him, her lip trembling and her eyes pleading with her complete innocence. He gave in.  
  
"Okay fine! But he stays in this room!"  
  
"I promise!" She placed a hand over her heart and bowed her head, "With all my hobbit goodness!"  
  
Merry shook his head and walked out of the room.  
  
"What took you so long?" asked Pippin as they headed out the door.  
  
"We're bringing more than I expected," he explained.  
  
"You don't mean?"  
  
Merry nodded.  
  
"No! That cat hates me! He always has, and always will!"  
  
"Maybe that's because you tried to sit on it the first day she had it!"  
  
"It was an accident! And besides, why are you letting her have it over there, you've always hated it too!"  
  
"I feel she needs a companion... one that won't hurt her."  
  
"Have you seen the claws on that thing?"  
  
"I meant emotionally Pip."  
  
Pippin looked at him strangely, "Now you've got me confused."  
  
Merry looked up at the early morning sun as they walked. He didn't know how to explain, so he didn't.  
  
"Merry, what aren't you telling me? What happened last night?" Pippin asked worry lining his face.  
  
"I'll explain when we get to Estella's," he answered as they rounded the hill toward her hole. They walked in silence the rest of the way.  
  
Merry stopped when he reached the door. He took a deep breath.  
  
"Pippin, I'll warn you this may not be pretty. Just don't throw up in her house, run out side if you have to."  
  
"Merry, I have a VERY strong constitution!" the young hobbit threw back his shoulders proudly.  
  
Merry shrugged and opened the door. Pippin looked in and quickly ran towards the road and vomited.  
  
A large gray and white cat came up the opening and meowed. Merry bent down and picked him up, wiping the blood from his coat.  
  
"Pippin, you take Persimmon and I'll get the other things. We'll come back and clean another day." Pippin wiped his mouth and nodded. Taking the large cat in his arms and walking quickly in the other direction.  
  
Back in Merry's hole Estella was sitting on her bed looking out the window and feeling useless. She scratched her wrists, which were covered by her long sleeved nightgown. Odd, it was summer why would she wear long sleeves? Estella rolled the sleeve up on her right arm only to see that her entire fore arm was bandaged. She did the same on the other and found it to be likewise.  
  
"What in Middle-Earth?" she said aloud and quickly began to unroll the bandage from her left arm. There was a noise from the door, and quickly she rolled her sleeve down and smoothed the covers around her.  
  
"Here's your blasted cat!" Pippin said walking into the room and throwing the cat on the bed.  
  
"Persimmon!" she cooed and he jumped into her lap and began to purr, "That's my big boy!" She looked up at Pippin who had a large gash on his neck.  
  
"Oh my! Did Persimmon do that?" she asked worriedly.  
  
"Yes! And I would have strangled him had he not belonged to my best friend!" The young Took glared at the cat, who rubbed its head against Estella's hand.  
  
"Don't do that again!" she said to it, and then picked up him up and laid him on her stomach. Pippin rolled his eyes and then sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Why do you love that cat so much?" he asked, "He's almost as old as we are!"  
  
"He is not! He's only about 5 or so years old! And besides, you remember when we found him!" She played with the cat's ears and it purred loudly.  
  
"No, I'm sorry but I don't!"  
  
"It was a cold and rainy day," she began dramatically, "We were all over at my house and watching the rain fall. I remember that, suddenly Merry pointed out the window at something huddled under a tree. Of course, me being the kind little lass that I am immediately wanted to go out side and find out what the poor thing was. You told me not to and said that it was a waste of time." The cat looked at Pippin and licked its chops. "Merry went out with me to see what it was and lo and behold it was a poor little shivering kitten. We picked it up and brought it inside. I dried him off and Merry poured him some milk. That was also when you tried to sit on him." Estella smiled at the memory.  
  
"No wonder I don't remember," he scoffed. The cat jumped off her stomach and walked over to Pippin. He purred and rubbed his head on his hand.  
  
"Look Pip, he wants you to pet him!" Estella cooed. Pippin picked up his hand and tried to pet the cat under his chin. Persimmon promptly bit him.  
  
"This cat hates me!" he shouted jumping up. Persimmon ran under the bed.  
  
"No wonder you're always shouting and such," she said softly and rolled over to the side of the bed. Estella hung her head upside down over the bed and looked under to see her cat.  
  
"Hey there cutie pie! How's my sweet kitty?"  
  
Pippin rolled his eyes, "How can you talk to that thing! He doesn't even respond!"  
  
"Sometimes it's nice to talk and not have anyone interrupt you," she said acidly not lifting her head up.  
  
"I'm back!" Merry announced as the door opened. Estella pulled herself up and sat cross-legged on the bed. Persimmon stuck his head out from under it also. He walked into the room, his arms full of dresses, smocks, and a bag full of other things. Pippin smiled.  
  
"What are you all looking at?"  
  
"You!" Pippin laughed as Persimmon began to rub against Merry's legs.  
  
"That's odd..." said Estella, "He never liked you before. Merry, have done something to my cat?"  
  
He thought for a moment about the night before. The cat crying next to Estella's...  
  
"No."  
  
-----  
  
There you go, hope you like Persimmon. I know I do, seeing as how he's based off of my recently deceased kitty. Long Live the Precious! Anywho, hope you like and hope I've done well by ya'll! Thanks, and now...REVIEW! 


	3. Secret

Hey Ya'll! I'm gonna post some review answers! These don't come often so... yeah!  
  
ybnrml2oo5: Glad you love Persimmon! Flattered honestly, I really don't think I'm that good, but thanks anyway! OoO Scared? That's good, I think I'm getting the suspense across. Thanks about Presh, too!  
  
MoonLit-Night: Thanks for the comment on my writing! Persimmon is based off of my recently deceased cat and everything that he does, Precious once did! It's all-good! About last night... I'll let you decide!  
  
hope: Sorry... I'm afraid you haven't quite figured it out yet! Close but no cigar!  
  
Estella Brandybuck: Don't we all wonder???   
  
Okay enough, glad you all liked it and now I award thee with the next chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own this chapter... okay I own the chapter, but I don't own Merry and Pippin and Middle-Earth! I don't own Estella either, but... you won't tell anyone will ya? Law suit? Oh, I don't own her either then!  
  
Chapter Three: Secret  
  
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Merry bent over and pet the purring feline. The cat responded by purring louder and running onto the bed to sit in the lap of his beloved owner. Merry smiled at the cat and then looked up into the pale feverish face of Estella.  
  
"Are you feeling well, Estella?" he asked coming to her side.  
  
"Honestly? No..." she answered petting her cat absently, "I still feel... quivery and my stomach is turning about in a rather unpleasant way. I don't know what's coming over me!"  
  
"It appears to be a type of flu," Pippin diagnosed, "I know these sort of things!"  
  
"When did you become a healer?" asked Merry skeptically turning toward Pippin.  
  
"I didn't, but I do know these things."  
  
Merry rolled his eyes and turned again toward Estella and her feline companion.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door followed by three softer ones.  
  
"That'll be Diamond," Estella murmured rolling her eyes and flopping over in the bed, "Just tell her I've died and be done with it!"  
  
Merry smiled and walked quickly out of the room to answer the door. He opened it to be totally encompassed in an enormous hug and a loud shrieking squeal.  
  
"MERRY!!!" she shrieked about five octaves higher than a normal hobbit.  
  
"What a surprise, Diamond!" he said from under her monstrous grasp, "I didn't expect to see you."  
  
"Of course you didn't," she explained letting him go and walking down the hallway towards the back bedroom, "I always arrive at the time I'm least expected," she paused and turned toward him smiling, "And needed most." Diamond continued down the hall and burst into the bedroom smiling from ear to ear.  
  
"Hello my friends!" she greeted. Estella looked up from her distressed pose and Pippin chuckled to himself. Persimmon hid under the bed. "Pippin, Darling!" she cooed grasping him in a monstrous hug, "How long has it been?"  
  
"Too long Diamond!" he smiled giving Merry a wink. Merry chuckled to himself and sat on the bed next to Estella.  
  
"And Estella!" she smiled walking over to where she lay and embracing her friend, "I haven't seen you all week! Where have you been?"  
  
"Oh just locked up in that hell of a hole of mine!" she smiled giving Merry a look that screamed, 'Get me out of here!'  
  
Diamond let Estella go and then looked under the bed at Persimmon.  
  
"Hello there cute little darling! How are you princess?"  
  
Persimmon hissed back at her.  
  
"He's a he!" Merry corrected.  
  
"Oh yes, he is, isn't he?" she retorted making a face as she sat upon the bed. "Well!" she exclaimed placing her hands in her lap and smiling about the room, "I know you are just dying to tell me what all you did while you were away, but it is a story to be told over tea. So, why don't you boys go fix us ladies some tea and when you return you can talk all you want? I promise not to interrupt!"  
  
Estella coughed loudly.  
  
"Right away!" Merry said quickly running out of the room and pulling Pippin with him. Estella watched them go reluctantly.  
  
"Estella, darling," Diamond said seriously causing Estella to look at her rather oddly, "Are you alright? I mean after what has all... happened?"  
  
Estella looked down at the meaning behind her words.  
  
"Yes... I'm fine," she said softly, "I just hope that they don't return for a long while. At least not while I'm staying here with Merry! I don't want them to end up hurting him too!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Diamond asked, "They're gone for good Estella! They're never coming back! In fact... Merry and Pippin drove them away!"  
  
"You're not serious!?"  
  
"Why wouldn't I be? Not only was it them, Frodo Baggins, from up in Hobbition? He helped too, and his gardener. The Gaffer's son!"  
  
Estella looked at Diamond her eyes shining for a moment. Quite abruptly she leaned forward and hugged her friend in happiness. Diamond patted her back and didn't speak.  
  
"I was so worried," Estella said, tears coming to her eyes, "After all that's happened since Merry and Pippin have been gone. I didn't want those ruffians to hurt them. I didn't want to have to..." She trailed off and closed her eyes in agony.  
  
"It's all right," Diamond soothed patting her dear friend's back, "You won't have to deal with that ever again. It'll be our little secret okay?"  
  
Estella nodded and pulled out of the hug. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands and smiled.  
  
"Now, what exactly have you been doing all week?" Diamond asked smiling.  
  
Estella laughed loudly as Merry and Pippin walked back into the room.  
  
"We've got the kettle going and tea should be ready soon!" Pippin announced placing his hands on his hips.  
  
"Well, that's good. Now, tell all about your journey!" Diamond declared making herself more comfortable on the bed.  
  
"I don't really think Estella wants to hear the whole thing all over again," Merry replied leaning against the doorframe.  
  
"You mean to tell me that you've already heard it?" asked Diamond looking at Estella with pure envy.  
  
Estella shrugged and gave a small smile.  
  
"Well, why don't we go talk about this in the living room and let the sick one sleep," Pippin suggested.  
  
"That's fine with me," Estella yawned, "I am a bit tired anyway." She laid down on her bed and closed her eyes for a moment. Pippin and Diamond left the room quickly and Merry stood in the doorway for a moment.  
  
"Are they gone?" she asked opening one eye.  
  
"Yes," he smiled coming to sit by her side.  
  
"I love Diamond and Pippin dearly but they can be rather obnoxious," she sighed sitting up and looking at Merry's hands.  
  
"Yes, they can be a bit too... loud at times," he agreed staring down at her hands, "They don't know you like I do, though Estella. They don't know the feelings that we've shared."  
  
She smiled, "We have been friends most of our lives," she paused, "I'm so sorry about what was said before you left. I know I've already apologized, but it just doesn't seem like enough! I never meant anything I said and I just-"  
  
Merry stopped her in mid rant by placing a hand upon her lips.  
  
"I knew you never meant it the moment I walked out your door," he whispered and kissed her gently on the lips. He looked at her hands again and quietly walked out of the room.  
  
Estella raised a hand to her lips as if to touch the kiss he had given her. She trembled, be it with sickness or joy or even fear she didn't know. Persimmon jumped on the bed next to her and mewed questioningly.  
  
"It's fine, baby. Just fine," she answered petting him softly.  
  
Merry entered the living room to see Diamond and Pippin talking in hushed voices.  
  
"Whatever you're saying about me or Estella you can say out loud, we're all grown hobbit's here," he declared sitting in his chair opposite the window.  
  
"Pippin told me what he saw in Estella's house," Diamond said gravely, "and I want an explanation from you."  
  
"I don't have one to give you Diamond," he lied, "All I can tell is that Estella doesn't remember it and that's just fine with me."  
  
"You've always been horrible at lying Meriadoc Brandybuck!" Pippin accused pointing his finger threateningly at his cousin, "You know better than to lie to me Merry! What happened last night?"  
  
"We are only looking out for Estella's best interests!" Diamond pleaded.  
  
Merry looked away, "You wouldn't understand."  
  
"And why not?" she asked glaring at him.  
  
"Because, you just wouldn't!"  
  
"I'll have you know that I know plenty of things about our dear Estella and what ever you're trying to hide from me is nothing compared to what I know!" she retorted her voice rising.  
  
"And what would that be Diamond?" he spat rising from his seat and looking at her darkly.  
  
The lass looked at him with hate a malice pouring from her soul. "Sit down Merry," she said calmly, "If you don't you'll end up hurting yourself afterwards."  
  
-----  
  
That was fun! If you're bored you can check out some fics by Mint Sauce or Pyschopanda or AngelofDarkness1566. Thanks for reading now I've got a cliffhanger to answer! -DB:D 


	4. Remember

Hey ya'll just sitting down to type a bit before I go and see Harry Potter 3 with my buddies! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Yes I don't own it! No, I never will, and PLEASE! Will you stop asking me these questions and read the freaking fic!?  
  
Chapter Four: Remember  
  
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Estella heard loud voices in the other room, but did not bother to get up. She was extremely tired and began to drift off into a strange nightmare.  
  
She sat on her bed, at her own home and looked about the dark room. Her arms were tied with thick rope tied in strange and immovable knots. Estella looked down at her body and saw that she was completely naked. Suddenly voices whispered from behind her. She whirled around but nothing was there.  
  
"I loved you," they chorused from her right as she turned to meet them. "What are you doing?" this time from her left. Her world was spinning.  
  
"I swore that I would live to see you again," came a familiar voice from in front of her. She turned to see Merry standing before her, blood dripping from his hands. "I didn't mean to return to find you dead."  
  
She gasped and outside her window there were cries as a vulture devoured the corpse of a nightingale. Merry looked at her, a tear falling from his face and a scream escaping his lips.  
  
Estella sat up awake. Quickly she inspected herself to make sure that all was well. She found that her stomach was growling uneasier by the minute but she was clothed and her arms were free.  
  
Persimmon looked up at her sleepily. She patted his head softly while clenching her teeth to resist the urge to vomit.  
  
There was a loud thump from the living room.  
  
"What did you do that for?" asked Diamond angrily leaping to her feet.  
  
"Merry are you all right?" Pippin said coming over to Merry who had just leapt out of his chair and sent it tumbling over its end.  
  
"Y-y-yes," he stammered raising a hand to his brow, "I-I just... I think you two ought to leave. We've had enough company for one day."  
  
Diamond looked at him suspiciously but stood up and walked toward the door. She paused before she left the room looking back, "I'm sorry Merry. You needed to know." With that she left the hole.  
  
"Pippin," Merry said through gritted teeth, "Go."  
  
"But Merry?" he pleaded.  
  
"GO!"  
  
Pippin quickly left the hole and ran down the road after Diamond.  
  
Merry collapsed onto the floor. Diamond's words were still running through his head. 'For her own protection...There was no other choice...At least she's still alive!' He raised his own hand in front of his face, studying it. Slowly he made his hand into a fist, and slammed it into the wall next to him. A tear fell down his cheek from his own frustration.  
  
"Meow?" came Persimmon's soft voice from the doorway.  
  
Merry looked from the dent he'd made in the wall to the cat of the one he loved dearly. He realized that he'd be holding his breath and slowly let it out. The cat approached him purring.  
  
"You never liked me much before last night," he mused quietly patting the cat's head, "I guess we both just happened to be in the right place at the right time." He sighed. "I wish it had all never happened. I wish that I had never left the Shire, that I had been here to protect her. Maybe if I had been here she wouldn't have had to do the things she did. If I had been here..." he trailed off. The only sound in the room was his ragged breath and Persimmon's purring.  
  
Estella, who called his name feebly from the door, broke the silence.  
  
"You shouldn't be out of bed, Estella," Merry chided standing up as if the up turned chair and dent in the wall weren't there, "You're sick. You shouldn't be up and-"he stopped suddenly. Estella was pale, so pale she looked as a ghost.  
  
"Merry," she croaked, "I'm not feeling well." She began to fall.  
  
Merry rushed to her side and caught her just before she hit the ground. He felt her forehead and it was burning.  
  
"Estella?" he asked fear coming into his eyes.  
  
She didn't respond. Her eyes were closed as if in death and her breath was short and ragged.  
  
"Persimmon, stay here, don't worry. I'll be back later," Merry said quickly to the feline as he slung Estella over his shoulder and exited the hole.  
  
He laid Estella on the front porch and quickly went around the house to his stables and brought his fastest pony. The one he had acquired from Rohan. Merry brought the pony around front and heaved Estella onto it and jumped on himself. Quickly they sped toward the healer's.  
  
Luckily the healer himself was sitting on the front step of his infirmary when Merry rode up to his door.  
  
"What's happened to her?" he asked as Merry dismounted and began to lower her off the horse.  
  
"She's fallen ill. She was fine one moment then she was feverish. I don't know what else to tell you," Merry explained. The healer nodded and the two rushed into the infirmary.  
  
Merry sat outside while the healer tended to Estella. He sat there, feeling useless, twiddling his thumbs. All that he wanted to do was be able to help her. That's why he didn't tell the healer why she was ill. That's why he didn't tell Pippin or Diamond. That's why he didn't tell her. All he was doing was helping her, wasn't he?  
  
The healer returned outside, a pained expression on his face. "Meriadoc?" he asked.  
  
Merry turned to him quickly raising his eyebrows expectantly.  
  
"Well, I'll have you know that Estella is fine. She's not awake, but she is just fine. You brought her here just in time. I just need to ask you a few questions, about her condition."  
  
Merry nodded.  
  
"How long has she been ill?"  
  
"Since this morning," Merry responded wringing his hands.  
  
"What were her symptoms?"  
  
"Uh... mainly she was weak. Then it progressed to what she called 'quivery muscles.' And then when she fainted she was extremely feverish."  
  
The healer thought for a moment, "I can't think of a sickness that your wife-"  
  
"She's not my wife, she's a friend."  
  
"Excuse me, your friend doesn't seem to have an illness that I know of. If anything she appears to be in major shock."  
  
Merry thought about the night before. Her screams, her hands clinging to his, picking her up and carrying her to his house, Persimmon's wails, the pile of...  
  
"Are you sure you've told me everything?" the healer asked bringing Merry back to the present.  
  
"Yes, of course!" he lied, he was becoming quite good at this he believed.  
  
An apprentice stuck his head out of the door, "She's awake, and she's raving!"  
  
The healer ran in quickly with Merry on his heals. Merry followed him into the back room. He could hear her screams from the hall. The things she was saying were so familiar.  
  
"What do you think I'd do? I thought you hated me! Oh, so it's different! I love you!! People in love are also people in despair. Did you never learn that?! Well, learn now!"  
  
The healer walked into the room and gasped. Estella was sleeping, but she was still waving her arms about and reliving the night before.  
  
"Are you sure you've told me everything?" the healer asked above Estella's screams.  
  
"Can't you read?!" she shrieked.  
  
"Yes," Merry responded monotonously.  
  
"Merry Brandybuck!!" she raved louder.  
  
"She seems to be raving about you, or even to you!" the healer said loudly.  
  
"That's what it says!" she said slowly then suddenly began to scream. Suddenly she awoke also screaming.  
  
"Estella!" Merry gasped rushing to her side.  
  
She sat bolt upright, her eyes wide in terror and her chest heaving as if running for miles. Estella placed a hand on his cheek and then another on her heart.  
  
"Merry, I had such a strange dream! It was more than I could stand, I can't even begin to explain to you!" she told him breathlessly closing her eyes in pain.  
  
"Then don't," he offered, "the last thing I want to see is you in such pain."  
  
Diamond rushed into the room. "I knew that the moment I left that something would happen. I shouldn't have listened to you Meriadoc Brandybuck!" She shoved Merry out of her way and clutched Estella's hand. "Dear, are you quite well?" she asked dramatically.  
  
Estella smiled, "Not in the least," and she began to laugh.  
  
"Mr. Brandybuck," the healer requested, "May I see you outside please?"  
  
Merry nodded and followed the healer out of the door.  
  
"What happened?" asked Estella worriedly.  
  
"I passed out, that's all I remember." She shrugged her shoulders indifferently.  
  
"You mean to tell me that you passed out and Merry rushed you here?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He wonder's why I can't stand him!" She threw her hands up in frustration.  
  
"Why can't you stand Merry?"  
  
"He's just so..." Diamond searched for the right words, "Exactly!"  
  
"I don't follow." Estella gave her a quizzical look.  
  
"I can't explain it but I would just have a hard time to be able to live with him!"  
  
"I'm just fine with it. I've stayed over at his home plenty of times."  
  
"That's not what I mean Estella," she said softly.  
  
"I know what you mean... You mean that you can't understand why I love him." Estella looked away. "It's complicated. No matter how many times he can tell me that he hates me I will always love him. No matter what pain he brings upon me, I'll always be hopelessly stuck in his web. There is no person that can ever pull my love from him. I am his, no matter what he does to me."  
  
Diamond placed a hand on hers, but didn't speak. The understanding was exchanged without words.  
  
The healer bustled back in, "Miss Bolger, we will be sending you back to Mr. Brandybuck's house. You are under strict orders to stay in bed and rest. If you do not rest your illness will never heal completely."  
  
"How do I know I'm healed?" she asked.  
  
"You'll know," the healer stole a look toward Merry who stood in the doorway.  
  
"Well, what exactly do I have?"  
  
"A rare case. I've never seen it before, but all you need to know is that healing comes with rest. Do not exert yourself, and allow yourself to be taken care of. Also, under no circumstances, return to your house."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because... I said so."  
  
-----  
  
Doesn't the healer make a great argument? Anywho, hope you've liked! Review please! You shall be rewarded with another chapter! Well, actually I'll post another either way, but feedback is requested! Thanks!-DB:D 


	5. Wound

Okay guys I've had one false start on this chapter that I hated. Let's hope this go around is better. Also just want to tell you all about a fantastic fic I read last night. It's currently in production but I think it's fantastic! Once Upon a Shire by H.J. Bender is a great fic if you don't mind fics that are almost exactly true to Tolkien. It's very heart warming and adorable all at the same time! It's the chick flick of Fan Fictions! YAY!  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own it! If I did I wouldn't be here telling you that I didn't because then I'd be lying and no body likes liars now do they?  
  
Chapter Five: Wound  
  
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Merry helped Estella walk out of the infirmary his arm grasping her waist firmly. Diamond followed, her arms crossed and worry lining her face.  
  
"Are you absolutely sure you don't want me to come back with you, Estella?" she asked.  
  
"Yes Diamond, I think that all will be well for today," she answered giving a pained smile.  
  
"Don't you worry your pretty little head, Diamond," Merry assured, "I have everything under control."  
  
Diamond bit her lip, "That worries me just a bit, Meriadoc."  
  
Estella smiled a reassuring smile towards her friend then mounted the pony with much help from Merry. He jumped on behind her and turned the pony toward Diamond.  
  
"I promise on my good name that Estella will be just fine. I would never want to cause her any harm Diamond, you know that," he explained.  
  
Diamond nodded and began to walk off in the other direction. She stopped and turned back towards them, "Just remember what the healer said, all right?"  
  
"Of course Diamond," Estella nodded.  
  
"And make sure you get plenty of sleep."  
  
"Yes, Diamond."  
  
"And don't forget to-"  
  
"Diamond if anything your constant mothering is making me feel more weary than I already am," Estella teased.  
  
Diamond smiled. "Okay then, I'll be off then. Take care you two." With that Diamond turned and walked down the road and out of sight.  
  
Merry turned the pony and trotted back towards his hole.  
  
"Merry," Estella questioned, "I don't remember ever seeing this pony before, where did it come from?"  
  
Merry smiled at a fond memory, "Ah, I acquired this handsome steed from King Eomer of Rohan as a thanks for my service to the Riddermark."  
  
"Ridder-what?"  
  
"The Riddermark, the people of Rohan, it's a long and terribly boring story," he explained.  
  
"You mean to tell me that this happened while you were away?" she asked excitedly.  
  
"Yes, that and more."  
  
"Oh, Merry! I would love nothing more than to hear of your adventures!" she gushed.  
  
"I'll tell you all about my journeys once we've settled you back in at my home."  
  
"Okay then, but answer me this. Why exactly did you go?"  
  
Merry thought for a moment. There was the fact that they had learned of Frodo's peril through unnecessary inquisitiveness, or that Frodo was his cousin and wasn't about to go save the world alone. But, in the beginning he hadn't really understood what it all meant, had he? All he'd really known was that they would go to Rivendell, drop the ring off, and leave. That was certainly not what happened.  
  
"Merry?" Estella asked bringing him out of his thoughts.  
  
"I don't really know why I went, Estella. It all made sense at the time."  
  
"It never made sense to me," she sighed, "I didn't want you to go. What if some creature overwhelmed you and you were brought down? What if you preferred those distant lands to the Shire and never returned? I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. That's probably why I said the things I did."  
  
"I couldn't understand why you worried so, that's why I said such terrible things. I sorely regret them, if I could take them back I would."  
  
"Would you have stayed also?"  
  
Merry didn't answer instead he dismounted for they had reached his hole. He helped Estella down and then they went inside, silence almost overwhelming each.  
  
Once Estella was back in her bed and Persimmon was curled up happily by her side Merry took a deep breath.  
  
"Well, I said I'd tell you all about my journey," he began, "But it will take long into the afternoon to tell in full."  
  
"I don't mind Merry, it gives me something to concentrate on," she answered smiling.  
  
Merry smiled and began his tale.  
  
Suddenly as if by magic Estella was transported to Hobbiton and she set out on an adventure of her own. She saw, old man willow, Tom Bombadill himself, Barrow-Wrights, the big folk in Bree, the strange and shady Strider, elves in Rivendell, the mountains of Carhadras, the dark of Moria, Gandalf falling into the deep, the golden trees of Lorien, Boromir falling to save her friends, Urk Hai carrying them over the lands of Rohan, talking trees that bore them great distances, Isengard flooded, the return of Gandalf the White, the palantir, Pippin setting off on his own, riding with the Rohirrim, Oliphants, the witch king himself, the healing houses of Gondor, Frodo once again wounded and sad, and then the Shire. She was brought back home to the Shire safe and sound and a changed hobbit.  
  
The tale was finished, and Merry was quiet. Estella was beyond herself; she had had no idea what all he had seen, the peril, the fear, the joy! It seemed all she had suffered back in Buckland was completely and utterly trivial. All she had done, all she had felt was nothing compared to his life.  
  
"I think I might have died a few times," he said suddenly startling her, "When I was up against the Witch King, I might have died soon thereafter if I had not thought of something."  
  
"What would that be Meriadoc?" she asked quietly.  
  
"You," he whispered, "You're all I could think about when I was stuck in those houses of healing. 'If I do not wake up,' I told myself, 'I will never see Estella again.' That scared me beyond anything. I don't think it was Aragorn's healing alone that brought me out of the spell of the wraith. I believe that you helped me through it." He was looking directly at her, his eyes shining in the evening sun.  
  
Estella looked away. "I want nothing more than to be with you Merry," she said softly, "But I fear my past is worse than you know. I've done things while you were away that I am not proud of. If anyone in the Shire ever found out, I'd be an outcast for sure."  
  
"Estella!" he exclaimed, "I myself am an outcast for my ramblings over the country side. I have been an outcast since the day I left with Frodo! I don't care what you've done in your past, what evils you may have done, all I care about is you. I love you Estella."  
  
A tear fell down her cheek. "Leave me be, Merry," she whispered, "Let me sleep in peace."  
  
He didn't move. "Have you nothing to say? I've just admitted my deepest secret to you! I've just told you that I love you! I've loved you since the moment we met! You have nothing to say? Nothing at all?"  
  
The tears began to fall more freely. "Leave Mr. Brandybuck," she told him curtly her voice wavering with sadness.  
  
"Estella?" he asked but whatever else he were to say disappeared. Quietly he left the room.  
  
Estella sobbed loudly. Her head rested in her hands as the sobs rang out in the room. Her sadness seemed to echo about the room. Persimmon mewed loudly and rubbed his head against her arm to try to comfort her, but he was of no avail.  
  
Hours could have passed, or even minutes, she knew not which. The only thing she knew that once she had stopped the sun had set and that she felt no less awful. Thoughts buzzed in her mind, her dreams, her pain, her love. The moments before Merry left and the moments there after played over in a horrible reenactment of her sorrow. Moments then played where she was forced to do wicked things, things that made her almost vomit. The reek of her vileness made her moan. Why had she become so? Why was she reliving these terrible moments?  
  
In pain and fury and even sadness she reached into her head and grasped a hand full of hair. Yanking hard upon it she screamed. Her emotional pain lessened, suddenly. Estella sat there, her hand still in her hair, the pained expression still on her face, but the emotions gone for a moment. She was in purgatory... and enjoying it.  
  
In her ecstasy she remembered something that had bothered her earlier in the day. The bandages. Quickly she rolled the sleeve of her gown up and exposed the bandage on her left arm. There was no sign of blood, but who knew how much of the wrapping was there? Slowly she unrolled the strips of cloth.  
  
The white began to turn a light pink, very pale and not alarming in the least. The pink soon became darker and turned to a deep blood red. That red itself soon turned to the dark brown of dried blood, but then as if by magic it gave way to a pink fresh scar, a scar in the shape of a Y.  
  
"What is this?" she whispered aloud to herself and quickly began to unroll the rest of the bandage more letters appearing in front of the Y at her wrist. An R soon followed, then another R, and an E, then an M. Estella stared down in horror at the word upon her arm.  
  
MERRY  
  
-----  
  
Cliffie!!!!! Okay review ya'll I ask of thee please! On bended knee I ask thee! Please, please, Please!!!! Thanks anyway!-DB:D 


	6. Argue

Hey ya'll! Question: Why do I always start to type a chapter right before I go somewhere, tell you that I'm doing so, and then finish the chapter three days later? Answer: No clue! Also on a more serious note, the fic is coming to a close rather quickly. Don't know why, this is just gonna be a short one. Besides, this is my first stab at suspense, and I'm not prolonging it very well.  
  
Disclaimer: If I would by chance say that I own the Lord of the Rings and such a number of possibilities could happen. 1. Sued by whoever does own LOTR. 2. Grounded for getting sued. 3. Have to pay the amount of money I was sued. 4. Die because my parents would kill me because I got sued. 5. I don't own it so there! :-P  
  
Chapter Six: Argue  
  
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Estella stared down in shock. The wound on her arm was giving off a dull ache from being exposed the air. Parts of the wound were leaking blood and puss of a strangely green color, just a bit worrisome. But one would be worried enough at the sheer fact that the word 'Merry' was written upon her arm.  
  
Her hands were shaking. In fact she was having trouble controlling her body. Estella wrapped her arms around her body to try and stop the shaking, but it was of no avail. A loud sob erupted from her lips and silent tears poured down her face. Still shaking she went to unwrap the other arm.  
  
The same transformation of color, the same spelling of the name only forwards.  
  
BRANDYBUCK  
  
Estella began to shake more violently. Her chest was heaving, her mind was spinning, sweat was pouring from her brow. A small scream issued from her lips and she felt forward moaning.  
  
Merry ran into the room to see Estella huddled in a ball on her bed her arms pulled up close to her body. She was shaking violently.  
  
"Estella? What's wrong?" he asked rushing to her side.  
  
"Everything," she croaked, "Everything. What have I done to myself Merry? When did I do this? What have I become?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" he said but inside he knew exactly what she meant. Lying next to her on the bed were the bandages.  
  
"Your name is all that I see when I close my eyes," she whispered her voice growing as she went on, "If I open them I can still see it! But when I open my eyes it's a bleeding, puss dripping, agonizing wound on my arm!!" She flung her arm out in front of him and showed him the words. "Can you read, Merry? Because I sure can! I can read between the lines! I am a sick, sick hobbit is what that says! I am a sick hobbit, who was lied to!"  
  
"Estella!" Merry tried to speak, but could not come up with an explanation.  
  
"Whatever you try to tell me will only be words that make no since, Merry," she wailed, "All that anyone has ever told me has been in another language! Death is all I know, death is all I deserve. What's even worse is that you're here now, and that gives me one small reason to want to live, but alas, you have wronged me and now not even you make me wish to stay."  
  
"Estella, there's good reason to why I kept it from you!" he said loudly, "The happenings of last night were almost too grievous for me to bear myself. How am I supposed to tell you something that pains even me?"  
  
"You don't know the first thing about pain, Merry Brandybuck!" she spat.  
  
"Do I?" he said starting to get angry himself, "I don't know anything about pain?"  
  
"Not the kind that I've been through," he growled.  
  
"How many people have you watched die? How many orcs have you slain? How many times have you thought that you thought that you were going to die?" he yelled.  
  
"Five...none... three," she whispered her eyes shining with contempt.  
  
Merry had no answer. "So Diamond was telling the truth?" he asked quietly.  
  
"About what?" she sneered.  
  
"About you..." he couldn't bring himself to say it.  
  
"She told you about that?"  
  
"Well... yes..."  
  
"I hate her!" she screamed pulling at her hair again and screaming even more.  
  
"Stop that! Stop causing even more pain to your self!" he ordered.  
  
"And what's it to you, Mr. Brandybuck? Why do you care?" she spat holding her hair in her hand threateningly.  
  
"You know why I care," he said rather hurt.  
  
"Yes, I do don't I," she rolled her eyes, "You love me. That's just so you do feel as bad! That's just so that those words don't haunt you in your sleep! I hate you Merry Brandybuck! I hope you die."  
  
"You don't mean that," he told her.  
  
"Oh, I don't do I?" she asked raising her eyebrows, "Did I mean it when I said to Diamond that if one of those ruffians tries to enter my home that I'll kill 'em? Did I mean it when I told him that if his friends ever show their faces on my doorstep they'll meet his same fate?"  
  
"That was self defense!"  
  
"Self defense and then some Merry! I killed five people! FIVE! Can you count Merry, cause I sure can! Five people died in my house upon the blade of a normal kitchen knife! I used that knife to prepare dinner for Diamond one night. The same night I told her about... the ruffians! She didn't speak to me all the next week! In fact I hadn't seen her since she came to visit me at your house! Isn't that something Merry?"  
  
"Estella, please, try to understand..."  
  
"I've tried and all I've gotten is lies and pain, I don't want to understand! I just want to know why I have your name on my arm and then I want to go home and never see your sorry face again!"  
  
Merry stared at her not moving or speaking. Persimmon peaked his head out from under the bed as if to see if the fighting was over.  
  
"No," he told her anger clear all over his face.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said no, if you can't remember then maybe it's best that you never find out."  
  
"Merry," she paused and curled her fists in frustration, "I should kill you... but I can't... you're innocent. I could kill you if I tried."  
  
"That's a relief," he scoffed.  
  
Estella slapped him. "I didn't say I wasn't going to do anything, you imbecile, only that I won't kill you."  
  
He raised a hand slowly to where she had slapped him. Looking upon her he could see that she was still shaking violently, and that she was glaring at him with all the malice she could put forth. Hesitantly he placed a hand upon hers. Nothing happened.  
  
"Estella," he said softly, "I'm so sorry for everything I've said and everything I've done. This is just like the last time we saw each other before I left with Frodo. There's only one small difference."  
  
"What ever could that be?" she sneered.  
  
"The love that's in my heart knows that as soon as I walk out of this door, you'll regret it all." He stood up and walked out of the room leaving her to sit and think.  
  
She stared at the closed door without a single thought running through her head. Estella looked down at her scabbed up arms, the pus and blood dripping down onto the sheets. With her right hand she raked her fingernails over the scabs opening as much as possible and an enormous amount of pain shooting up her arm. She repeated and did the same with her left hand. The pain grew stronger and Estella could feel herself start to slip away from reality. Estella slipped away and into last night.  
  
-----  
  
Sorry so short, but ya know... these things happen. Hope you've enjoyed and guess what, you get some definite answers in the next chapter! YAY! Okay enough from me, now it's your turn! Luvs!-DB:D 


	7. Last Night

Hey ya'll! I am soooo sorry that this has taken so long! I don't know why, but I have just not taken the time to sit down and start writing! It's crazy, I know! Anyways, just so you'll be forewarned, this is the second to last chapter. :sniff sniff: but... well, I can't think of anything to say there so yeah. Just read the next chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own any of it!  
  
Chapter Seven: Last Night  
  
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Light was fading fast over the waters of the Brandywine. Estella had been 'busy' for hours now. She looked down at the corpse lying in her front hall. His head had been severed, his fingers cut off save the thumb, the fingers had been placed inside his mouth, one of his legs had been hacked off, the other was bent upward and broken, there were stab wounds everywhere, and both his eyes had been stabbed out.  
  
She thrust her knife into the corpse one last time and cried out. "You disgusting piece of slime! You should never have come to this home! Look what it got you!" she screamed standing up and kicking his head towards the front door. Tearing her blood soaked dress off she ran to the bathroom to wash the filth from her body. As she ran she tore off more clothing, till she was naked when she reached the bathroom.  
  
Estella stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself. Blood soaked her arms and legs and even parts of her midsection where it bled through, but her face was the worst. The blood had been so thick on her face that it was soaked into her auburn hair causing the red seen to become ghostly and murderous. Blood ran down her face like tears, or were those really tears becoming mixed with the blood? She couldn't tell.  
  
"This is what I've become Merry," she whispered, "This is what you'll never return to, this is what you left the Shire for. Death. That's what I am. Just look at me."  
  
She ran the water and began to wash away some of the blood, starting with her hands. As the blood washed away a white pure substance could be seen under it. Things appeared absolutely normal from her elbows down. Estella stared at her arms, turning them over and staring at the inside. The white. She looked down at the blood on her knees, then back to her wrists.  
  
At that moment she made up her mind. There was nothing she could do, her mind was set and nothing could change what she was about to do.  
  
Quickly she ran into the front hall, bypassing the clothes she had left strewn about and back to the dead body. She bent over it and picked up the knife, stopping only to wipe the stinking blood from the silver blade. Back she went to the bathroom, and with one last look at the outside world she shut the door and locked it.  
  
Estella ran the knife under the water to get any remaining bits of blood from the steel. She then took the knife and held it up. The moonlight that filtered in through a small window caught the blade and shone beautifully. Her heart ached for this blade. She loved it. There was nothing she had ever felt so much about, not even Persimmon could obtain this much love. The only one who had ever come close to this much love had left her many many months ago, and she never expected him to return. It was only her and the blade, that's all there had ever been.  
  
"This pure white flesh that I offered to you," she croaked, "This pure white flesh that you rejected, watch it bleed."  
  
She pressed the blade into her arm and made a straight line, then another diagonally connected to it, another, and a final straight line. Holding her arm up she studied her handiwork, ignoring the pain that was shooting up her arm. The M was perfect, just glowing red at the moment, no blood dripping out of the wound. Estella shrugged and continued with her art. E, R, R, Y, each letter glowing for a moment then oozing out the blood that was trapped inside. The Y at her wrist was the most painful, and bled almost immediately after she cut into the skin.  
  
Tears were flowing down her face, freely and silently. They were not from pain, but from sadness. She was heartbroken, the one she loved so much had to be the end of her. The knife that she cherished, the knife that saved her 5 times now, the knife that she held so dear. The knife that Merry had given her at his departure, this was her end.  
  
Estella continued onto the next arm, starting at the wrist with the B and continuing up to her elbow with the rest of the name. Just like MERRY the letters shone for a moment then dripped out the treasure they held inside.  
  
As she finished the final K she felt herself become lightheaded and dropped the knife to the ground. She sat down herself next to her lover and felt a rush of memories come over her. It could have been her life flashing before her eyes, or it could have just been the blood, she didn't know. But the moments that passed thereafter seemed to last days upon days, but they were only a few short minutes.  
  
()()()  
  
A small auburn haired hobbit lass ran down the dirt road with her eyes closed. She was screaming at the top of her lungs a song that was nothing but nonsense. Those who passed her stared in shock or rolled their eyes and those who ran into her were quickly brushed aside because she stopped for no one. That is until she ran into Him.  
  
The lass collided with a lad that looked to be only a year or so older than her, his light brown curls hung in his face and he smiled cheekily at her.  
  
"And where might you be going?" he asked.  
  
Had this been anyone else she would have been long gone by now, but there was something about this lad that made her stay.  
  
"I was running," she answered, "and singin' with my eyes closed."  
  
He smiled a cheeky smile. "My name's Merry, what's yours?"  
  
"Estella," she breathed looking into his eyes, "Estella Bolger."  
  
..................................  
  
The auburn haired tween listened for the sound of her parent's breath. They were obviously asleep and would have no idea that she was currently sneaking out of their house.  
  
Once out side she quickly and quietly ran down the road to a small-secluded spot right off of the main road. He was already there and waiting for her.  
  
"Meriadoc, I don't know what it is you wanted, but I'm here," she told him placing her hands on her hips.  
  
"You're parents don't know you're gone do they?" he asked quickly.  
  
She shook her head and was quickly pulled into the forest by Merry. They ran through the foliage for what seemed like hours before they finally reached another secluded spot. She looked up and gasped.  
  
Estella could see every star in the sky it seemed. There was the fisherman, the guiding star, everything she had ever read about in a book or heard of in a tale. Everything seemed so beautiful and so clear.  
  
A hand timidly grasped hers.  
  
She looked down and saw her hand in Merry's and then looked back at him. He was still staring down at her hand. Estella squeezed his hand and he looked up. She leaned in and pecked him on the cheek and then placed her head on his shoulder and gazed at the night sky.  
  
................................................  
  
A grown auburn haired hobbit sat in her own home with a purring gray and white cat on her lap. Merry sat in front of her wringing his hands.  
  
"Merry you look as if you're about to jump out of your skin!" she laughed, but secretly screamed in torment. Somehow she knew that whatever he had to say, it wasn't going to be good.  
  
"Estella, there's something that's come up, I- I don't know how to explain this to you," he began not looking at her.  
  
She looked down. "Who is she?" she asked.  
  
"Oh NO!" he exclaimed, "there's no lass, no I promise you that! I could never love anyone more than I love you!"  
  
She smiled slightly. "Then it can't be that terrible! Tell me Merry, I'm worried about you."  
  
He looked up at her, his eyes shining. "I'm leaving the Shire, and I don't know if I'll ever be back again. I have to journey with my cousin Frodo. There's something that must be done and it's not safe to speak of. The chances of me returning are few and I fear that I may never see you again after tonight."  
  
Estella didn't answer. She felt tears come to her eyes, the sadness filled her body for a moment, but it quickly gave over to anger. "Why are you going?"  
  
"Because, Frodo needs me!"  
  
"I need you! What about me? You can't leave me here by myself!"  
  
"Estella, this is something I have to do, I know this is hard on you, I feel the same way!"  
  
"You don't know how I feel! You don't know anything! If you did you wouldn't be leaving like this! When are you going?"  
  
"Tomorrow morning."  
  
"You mean you're just telling me now?"  
  
"I thought that it would be easier for you."  
  
"Oh yes no use in ruining my life before you leave."  
  
"Estella!"  
  
"Don't Estella me! No, just-just- GO! Leave! Go with Frodo on his adventure. I hope you never return, I hope you die out there alone and ashamed for what you've done to me!"  
  
"Estella, this is just as hard on me! You don't understand-"  
  
"I understand everything! Go! Go out into the world and DIE!"  
  
"Maybe I will! In fact I hope you stay here and rot, I hope that wolves knock your door down and eat you and that stupid cat of yours!!!"  
  
She gasped. "Leave Mr. Brandybuck, and never show your face here again. I never want to see your face again. Not even when I am at death's door. I wish to never be bothered with your presence as long as I live or die! Goodbye Merry Brandybuck. May you die alone and cold!"  
  
"Likewise!!" And with that he ran out of the house.  
  
()()()  
  
Sobs were escaping her lips now. The pain of that memory was more than she could bear. Her world was spinning, everything was going in and out of focus, and nothing seemed real.  
  
Off in the distance she could hear a loud knocking sound, and her name being called.  
  
"Blessed Eru is calling me," she whispered then saw no more.  
  
()  
  
Merry knocked on the door, softly at first incase Estella might be asleep. There was no answer, not even a sound of life. He knocked louder. Still nothing. Merry pounded his fist upon the door and called Estella's name. The door swung open.  
  
His eyes grew wide at the site that was upon the floor; he quickly turned around and vomited into the bushes. Wiping his mouth he stood and walked over the threshold quietly.  
  
"Estella?" he called, but there was no answer. Instead Persimmon came running into the front hall wildly skidding to a halt in front of the body. He mewed loudly.  
  
"Move you stupid cat," he barked and walked into the front dining room. The cat followed him and continued to meow. "What do you want? Has Estella not fed you today?" Persimmon clawed at his legs then ran out of the room. Merry shook his head and quickly followed the cat.  
  
He was being led down the front hall towards the bathroom. Merry could see that the door was shut at the end of the hall. On the floor he could see Estella's clothes littered everywhere. Each garment was equally stained with blood. "What have you done, Estella?" he murmured.  
  
Persimmon reached the front door and scratched upon it. Merry tried the door but it was locked. Frustrated and worried he shook the handle. He stepped back and stepped in something. There was a pool of blood coming from under the door.  
  
Merry yelped and beat the door fearing for the worst. "ESTELLA!" he called. He tried the handle again, but it still didn't budge. He screamed her name again, no answer. Merry stood back again, thinking of anything he could do to open that door. An idea came.  
  
He ran back to the end of the hall and stood there and taking a deep breath. He ran towards the bathroom door. Merry hit it flying and the hinges broke causing him to fall in.  
  
Merry shook his head for a moment clearing the fall from his head, and then realized he had landed on Estella. He quickly stood up and looked at her. A gasp escaped his lips.  
  
She was motionless, covered in blood. Even her hair was caked with it. There was still blood coming from her arms, and he turned them over to see the wounds inflicted there. MERRY BRANDYBUCK. Merry didn't know what to do, all he could think of were those last words he'd said to her. That anger he had felt, the pain she must have endured.  
  
He shook her body. There were no signs of life. He shook her again, harder. Still nothing. He whispered her name softly into the air. No answer. There would never be an answer it seemed. Merry took all his strength, and slapped her.  
  
Estella's eyes flickered open drowsily.  
  
"Oh blessed Eru! Thank you!" he screamed and grabbed her naked body into a massive hug.  
  
"Merry?" she asked wearily her eyes half open.  
  
"Yes, I'm here now. I promise I'll never leave you again!" he whispered gently kissing her forehead smudging blood on his face.  
  
She looked at her arms and at the still bleeding words written there. A small smile formed on her mouth and a tear fell down her face. "I'm so glad you lied," she smiled resting her head on his chest.  
  
Merry smiled and carried her into the kitchen to clean her wounds. He sat her in a chair and quickly ran to go find bandages.  
  
Estella looked about the room drowsily. What had she just done? Had she really tried to kill herself? Did Merry really just come and save her? Was this blood on her hands hers? Tears began to fall again.  
  
Merry returned to see her huddled in the chair sobbing. "What's the matter, Stells?" he asked placing a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Everything. What I've said, what I've done, what you probably think of me, you probably are disgusted with me," she sobbed.  
  
"Estella, I'm just glad that I arrived when I did. If I would have found you dead..." he trailed off, not wanting to voice the subject. "Give me your arm. We've got to stop that bleeding or all of this will be for nothing."  
  
She extended her right arm, and watched as he gingerly but properly applied the pressure needed to stop the blood flow. Once he was done there was no sign of the word upon her arm. And things would be better because of that. As he started on her left she felt herself grown very tired.  
  
"Merry, I'm sleepy," she slurred her eyes half open.  
  
"Don't go to sleep yet, Estella, what ever you do. Stay awake as long as possible."  
  
"This is as long as possible Merry."  
  
"A little longer, Estella."  
  
She could hear the worry in his voice. Estella wondered if she would die, even after Merry's attempts to save her. It would be quite ironic, she thought. There was a slight pain as Merry wrapped her wrist. She bit her lip.  
  
"Sorry," he apologized, looking up but not stopping his work.  
  
"It's okay, you must do what you must."  
  
He smiled and nodded. Quickly he finished his work, then stood up and looked down at Estella. She was looking back at him, her eyes were shining with love, or pain, or helplessness. He didn't know which. Merry just hoped that she would make it through the night. The irony of it would be enough for him to kill himself.  
  
Estella looked down and noticed that she was naked. It alarmed her for a moment, but she was too tired to care. She feebly tried to cover herself, but her movements were sluggish, and very slow.  
  
"Don't worry about it," he smiled, "I don't care."  
  
She attempted to smile, but her weariness was too much. "I-I-I- mmm soooooooo sleepy," she murmured almost falling forward out of her chair. Merry caught her and helped her to sit up.  
  
"I'll take you back to my home and let you sleep there. You know you're always welcome."  
  
She smiled absently, "Yes, Merrrrrry, always welcome." Her head nodded forward, but he shook her awake.  
  
"Stay awake till we get there, Estella, please!" he pleaded. Estella could see the worry in his eyes and she nodded.  
  
Merry grasped her hand and helped her to stand. He carried most of her wait out of the house and to the pony that was waiting outside. Very strangely he helped her up onto the horse, she was still naked, but he had an old nightgown of hers at his hole.  
  
As they rode to his home, he talked to Estella telling her, about his journeys. How much he had missed her. How sorry he was that he had ever wished such evil upon her. She merely nodded, and kept awake, just to keep him from worrying.  
  
Merry helped her off the pony and into the house. He led her back to the guest room she always used when she every stayed over. It was exactly as he had left it, save some dust.  
  
He helped her to sit upon the bed, but she fell over and lay on the bed instead. Estella was murmuring something strange, but he could not tell what. Quickly he pulled out the nightgown and helped Estella into it. Then he helped her under the covers. She was shivering.  
  
"I'm cold Merry," she whispered as he placed another quilt upon her bed.  
  
"I'll make sure you stay warm," he answered.  
  
"Thank you, Merry," she murmured falling into sleep, "I love you, always have always will."  
  
"I know, Estella," he smiled and kissed her forehead, "I know."  
  
And with that she fell asleep.  
  
-----  
  
How ya like them apples? Okay this is it! Now you know what happened last night! Woo Hoo! One more chapter, I pray it's a good one! Luv yas!-DB:D 


	8. Lucky

Okay, I have got to finish this fic today, 'cause I'm leavin town tomorrow, and it seems really unfair to leave you guys like this! Well, more like just one of ya, but either way it only seems fair. Do unto others as you would wish done unto you! That's the golden rule and I intend on upholding it!  
  
Disclaimer: I am a walrus... I own the Lord of the Rings... I can sing I will Survive in three different languages... I own Dominic Monaghan. (If you believe any of that, you're a sad sad person)  
  
Chapter Eight: Lucky  
  
-----  
  
"Estella?" the voice called. She stirred in her sleep and felt herself become aware of her surroundings.  
  
"Estella?" the voice asked again, with urgency. A small sound came from her throat. The being sighed and playfully shoved her shoulder.  
  
"Estella, wake up you lazy beast!" it teased. Her eyes fluttered open instantly. Through her mass of auburn curls she could see a face. A face, which belonged to her very best friend in all of Middle Earth.  
  
Estella sat up suddenly and began to speak quickly, "Merry! Oh Blessed Eru, I'm so sorry! How can you ever forgive me! What I said last night, it was just anger, I never meant any of it! I swear that I would never want to hurt you in any way! Please forgive me!"  
  
"You've remembered?" he asked soberly.  
  
"Yes, I've remembered everything! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I didn't understand," she began to cry, "I don't know what I would do with out you. You've saved my life, and I can't ever repay you. Please, forgive me!"  
  
He wiped a tear from her cheek. "How could I stay mad at you?" He smiled and gently kissed her lips.  
  
"Oh Merry, you're too good to me!" she gushed hugging him tightly. Suddenly she remembered what she had done the previous night. Estella pulled up the sleeves of her nightgown to see that bandages once again covered her arms.  
  
"I came back in just moments after I left," Merry explained placing a hand on her arm, "I knew that I had been stupid to leave you alone like that. And, I had promised to never leave you again."  
  
Estella smiled, "Aye, that you did Merry. Don't think I won't be angry if you ever decide you need to leave with Mr. Frodo on an adventure again. You'll have to tie me up in sack to stop me!" She laughed, and felt a tremendous weight lift from her shoulders.  
  
"You know that Diamond and Pippin will be arriving shortly?" he asked raising his eyebrows.  
  
Estella rolled her eyes. "Tell them I've died and will speak with them tomorrow," she teased.  
  
Merry gave her a stern look. "Don't joke about that. It's not even the least bit funny."  
  
"I'm sorry," she apologized, "You know I didn't mean it that way. I would never do that again. I understand now. Life is so precious to me, how could it not?"  
  
"I'm glad you feel that way," he beamed as Persimmon jumped onto the bed purring, "If you didn't I'd have to force it into you." Merry stroked the cat absently.  
  
"How would you do that, Mr. Brandybuck?" she asked raising her eyebrows.  
  
"I have a few ideas," he teased, "Like..." Merry trailed off, his smile cheekier than ever.  
  
"Merry!" she said in mock shock, "How dare you even insinuate such things! Besides, you know I'm not one to be handled lightly. I'm as hard headed as you are, and you know that!"  
  
He chuckled, "That I do! That I do!"  
  
Persimmon jumped into Estella's lap and mewed lovingly.  
  
"Ah, there's my favorite lad!" she cooed, "Always there when I need him. You helped save my life also you know that?" Persimmon rubbed his head against her cheek and purred.  
  
"How did you know that he showed me where you were? You were unconscious at that time?" Merry queried.  
  
Estella paused, not even knowing her self. "I really don't know... I just knew..." Her face was filled with bewilderment, and Merry couldn't help but laugh at it. "What do you think is so funny?" she asked.  
  
"You! Always you darling!" he snickered grabbing her in a massive hug and just holding her.  
  
"I'm just glad you can laugh," she answered from the embrace, "If I were in your situation I would never be able to smile again!"  
  
"Yes, you would," he chided pulling away and holding her at arms length, "Because you would see how happy I am, and you would want nothing more than to make me happy. And the best way to make me happy is to see you smile."  
  
"I couldn't agree more," she sighed happily.  
  
There was a loud knock on the front door followed by Diamond's urgent shouts and Pippin's attempts to calm her.  
  
"Meriadoc Brandybuck, let me in this minute," she screamed beating down the door, "I know that you're hiding something from me and I demand that you tell me this instant."  
  
"Hide Merry, it's not safe, save yourself!" Estella giggled pulling the covers over his head. He laughed and escaped walking to the doorway. "Do you really have to go to them?" she asked.  
  
"Sadly yes, I'll tell them you're sleeping," he offered.  
  
"Thank you," she answered and rolled over to mock sleep.  
  
Merry started out of the room, but stopped. He couldn't leave. There was no way he could just let her sit there alone while Diamond gossiped away. Besides, they could wait another hour or so.  
  
"On the other hand," he mused waltzing back into the room, "I really don't think they'll mind waiting for our presence a wee bit longer."  
  
Estella turned over and smiled at him. "Diamond will have your hide."  
  
"Yes, but I do have you now don't I?"  
  
"Yes, and I will protect you from her murderous intentions. Besides, Pippin knows what he's doing."  
  
"Did you just say that Pippin knows what he's doing?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Merry laughed loudly.  
  
"So, maybe he doesn't, but mark my words, you're going to catch hell afterward."  
  
"Yes, but what does that matter. I've got you, isn't that enough?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What more could I want?"  
  
"Persimmon!" she smiled and grabbed the cat in her arms.  
  
"Of course, how can I live with out this bloody cat?"  
  
"Don't say that!" she barked suddenly.  
  
Merry paused thinking of what he said wrong. 'Bloody...' yes, that was it. "Sorry, never again."  
  
"Good, now, let's ignore this world and get on with life."  
  
"What ever do you mean by that?" he asked.  
  
Estella raised her eyebrows and leaned in. She kissed him passionately. "That's what I mean," she answered pulling away.  
  
"Works for me," he stated grabbing her in his arms and kissing her.  
  
"Well, aren't I lucky?" she asked, pulling up to breathe.  
  
"We're all lucky," he answered and lost her in his arms.  
  
-----  
  
There you go! Hope you liked it! This is tied or #1 for my favorite Fic that I've written. This and In The End of The Bag are my favorites! Go check it out! (Sorry blatant advertising!) Thank you Simblemyne05 for your constant review. This fic is for you because you're the only one who is still reading! LOL. And the others, who may have just not bothered to review thanks also, hope you've liked it. AND the other reviewers from earlier in the fic! Thank you Thank you Thank you! All three of you! Okay I will catch you on the flipside. Must be off, I'm working on a comic strip and the idea for another stupid fic! Woo Hoo! Laterz-DB:D 


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